I Just want to eat whatever the hell I want!!!!!!

Is this really so much to ask??? I mean come on, a day does not pass where I don't get stressed out between "healthy" options and "splurge" options. And I feel that it is pretty safe to say we all feel ourselves entangled in this battle as well. For me the healthy options are split pea soup, grilled chicken breasts, fish and not much else. The only other additives to these meals would be copious amounts of veggies and some fruit for dessert while brown rice, a corn tortilla or any grain that I might enjoy would  be a splurge if added. Splurge meals are corn tortillas piled high with seasoned meat and gouda or a tuna fish sandwich on homemade rice bread. Wow when I type that out I see how ridiculous that sounds, that tasty meals like homemade, fresh tacos would be considered a splurge meal.
Well as I am slowly discovering bit by bit is that being fit and healthy is NOT about pretending you like kale or that a salad is a filling meal nor is it about being a slave to a workout routine and forcing yourself to do it even when you'd rather eat your left arm than go run on the treadmill for one godforsaken hour. However, what I am discovering as of late is that being healthy and fit is about living a fun and active lifestyle where working out is fun and not a chore, where fitness comes from activities like swimming, jumping on the trampoline, going for walks with my mom, dancing, climbing trees and whatever it may be. Being healthy is also not about limiting yourself, making rules, and spoiling your own fun. Eating healthy should be about eating food that is tasty TO YOU, not some health guru, but also makes you feel good. Food that is nourishing, energizing and makes you proud of yourself without being deprived. I love tunafish sandwiches more than life itself, Im pretty sure that God created them on the 8th day of creation and said it was good, and there is no reason that I should not enjoy them! Yea mayo probs isn't the healthiest thing but should I really hate myself over a tablespoon now and then? No! Rice bread does have lots of carbs, but guess what your body NEEDS energy!!! Just a reminder, guilt and shame do no favors for anyone. "Heather what if I love Big Macs?" you might ask. You should be able to love your burger, but maybe you should try making your own, think about how much more satisfying that Big Mac would be if you grilled your own grass-fed beef or ground turkey marinated in soy sauce, garlic fault, warcesister sauce, and some brown sugar, topped it with some gouda and whatever else you like and slid it between a whole wheat bun, or even better homemade bread? Way more tasty, fresh and nutritious! "But what about amy Mickey D's fries?!" Alright here is the harder part: I personally use to love fries, but since I have stopped eating deep fried foods I don't miss them the slightest and my body does not either. A burger can be totally nutritious and satisfying to your body when prepared a certain way as opposed to another, but trust me when I say that your body does not want fries. Sure they taste good for that first bit, but try going on a run or dancing after those? Yeah good luck… they don't make you feel good in the way that a lot of equally tasty, but more nutritiously dense foods will. Now don't get me wrong, you should totally splurge on some fries every now and then! Aced that calc exam? Fries! Summer evening at the fair? Fries! Trip to cali? In-n-out fries! But you have got to believe me when I tell you that some time away from fries and you won't be wanting them so much any more.
The moral of my story here I guess is that eat food that is good and makes you feel good and ignore all the bullshit in your head with that the "shoulds, woulds, and coulds" and instead of forcing yourself to do workouts that make you want to vomit just thinking about them go for a hike, play tennis or whatever the hell you like. Remember your body will tell you what it needs, not Cosmo, not Victoria Secret, not Pinterest, not Jillian Michaels, not Jennifer Aniston.

what if my life was like Pinterest ….

1. If my life was like pinterest my hair would look magically like this every day….every damn day as I casually caressed my beachy and totally coincidentally perfect locks.

2. All my breakfasts would look like Annie Leibovitz photographed them. Oh you didn't have whole wheat pancakes with fresh fruit and organic, homemade greek yogurt this morning? how basic. Oh and I only just had one slice because you know portions. 

3. I would always get caught looking like this. Oh no, how did the paparazzi find me again looking oh so effortlessly chic on my perfect summer outing to the Farmer's market to buy kale and let my freshly blown-out locks bask in the summer sun? I always wear heels everywhere, don't you?

4. My besties and I would all look like models with perfect asses and we would always be laughing. like always. Because live, laugh, love am I right? Our days would be filled with quintessentially perfect summer days where we head to the beach, tan our obnoxiously toned hot bods, eat ice cream that would never go to our asses, splash in the waves, and make all the ugly girl trios out there feel like shit. Don't hate us because we are beautiful. 

5. My house would look like Martha Stewart just scampered out the back door. People are living in refugee camps all around the world? Not me! All my friends are jealous and sleepovers at my house are rad.

6. I totally spend all my free time baking up culinary masterpieces such as this. Notice the unrealistic way in which the carmel drizzles from my spoon. I also can enjoy eating these treats because my metabolism is the speed of Space Mountain and there is no worry about me sitting down in front of any trashy E! shows and consuming the whole lot of them because I am a balanced, rational human being. 

7. I look like this working out. Sweating is for peasants.  Oh you don't do 6am spin class? I'm judging you. Also did you see my bulging biceps? That's called self-discipline. Learn it. 

8. Just another fresh salad I just whipped up after my workout with some local produce I just bought at Whole Foods for 17.95 (that was just the cabbage). Yum. SO filling, I don't even feel like dessert. 

9. I do yoga. I recycle. I climb mountains to sip organic coffee and ponder deep questions like the the destiny of mankind. I also recite Tolstoy. Aren't I well rounded and totally adventurous? I don't need anyone to come with me either because I am a strong, independent woman. Oh yea and my hair is still perfect. 

10. While the rest of you are only just talking about saving up to travel the world, bitch I am already on expedia. I have unlimited time and resources to travel unashamedly. I don't just dream. I do. I also have deep philosophies like "collect moments not things," that I chant to myself while I practice yoga.

11. Bonus!!! My boyfriend and I have pictures like these and don't question who was taking them. Also I am so thin I look like I narrowly just escaped Auschwitz because guys hate curves. obviously. 

we are so in love I have already picked out our four children's names and even pre-scrapbooked our wedding and he doesn't even find that clingy or creepy!

Motivating yourself vs Patronizing yourself

We have all been there, not wanting to go work out, practice, go on a run, or whatever, but feeling like you HAVE to. There is zero motivation except for your little fitness conscious telling you to "be good"and "just do it" as Nike likes to say. You are tired and you simply have not passion, no motivation, and energy. Do you do it anyways? I have seen so many work out motivations as of late and they caused me to consider these moments of internal struggle. Where is the line between patronizing yourself and motivating yourself and how do you separate them?
Here are a few examples of what I am talking about :

I'm not gonna lie; they are all blazingly truthful rhetoric with the aim of getting you off the couch. But they are also an undeniable guilt trip. I think the point I am getting at is that some days it is ok not push yourself when you're not motivated, because honestly you are not gonna have that fire in your eyes every single damn day and that should be ok. It is called self-compassion and being kind to ourselves. We live in a world where we put too much pressure on ourselves and that is why we end up quitting or getting burned out because we pushed ourselves when there was no passion too many times. It is all about the intention behind what we are going. I know so many times that I have gone down into the dance studio to practice and my intention was to get a million calorie burning workout, but I ended up having a sucky session and feeling worse off than I would have if I had just gone with the mindset to go do something I love and not about "pushing myself." That is term that I think our culture needs a tune up on. It has come to means something of forcing yourself to keep going even when you do not have it in you and it connotative of perseverance and being strong willed. But I don;t always think "pushing ourselves" is the answer. I think we need to mentally redefine this term as "knowing your capable of more and seeing to it that you achieve that." The difference in semantics is that sometimes we are not always capable of more and that should be ok, and we should be willing to show ourselves grace because the results will be better in the long run. 

Often times I get this uncontrollable urge to dance and I will go barricade myself in my studio and have this amazing practice session where it is just me and music and I am infused with passion for what I am doing and I end up lying on the floor drenched in sweat and exhilarated. I was not working out. I was living. This is so much different from those times where I feel like I need to work out and I force myself to go dance and it is not the same. In fact I feel regressive in my artistry at those times. 

I should also note that this mentality of self-compassion needs to be supplemented with hard work and determination. You are not going to get anywhere if all you do is mollycoddle yourself and make excuses. It is about finding a balance or when to show yourself love and mercy and when to hold yourself to the higher standard that you know you are capable of and that will be more rewarding. Often times it is just getting dressed and heading to the gym that is the hardest part and if you can do that you have already conquered yourself mentally and all that's left is physical. 

Essentially, find passion in what you do, if there is no passion, there are no results. Simple as that. 

Diet of a poor college student

I like the finer things in life, I really do. That means I refused to eat ramen noodles and synthetic sugars and chemicals three meals a day as most college students do. I also do not believe that you have to be wealthy to eat healthy, anyone who disagrees with me I will gladly hold their hand and accompany them to the grocery store. Therefore I decided to post some of go-to meals that I cook during the week and how much they cost:
1. teriyaki chicken
buy yourself a bottle of soy sauce, some high fructose corn syrup-free ketchup, honey, brown sugar, and garlic salt and this will last you a year's worth of delish chicken for about $10
mix all this up to the consistency you desire then let chicken marinate for a little as long as you want. Bake at 400 for 20 min with the last 5 on broil to brown the top. boom hello delish. I highly recommend doing this with wings or drumsticks which will run you about 1.50$ per pound so they are stupidly affordable and each package is good for at least 2 meals! Serve with veggies of choice!
2. honey, soy and garlic chicken
chop up some of that 70 cent garlic and toss it in a fry pan with olive oil (just buy it, it will save your arteries in the long run) and as soon as they begin to brown toss defrosted chicken breasts or cutlets in the pan. Drizzle with honey and a couple table spoons of soy sauce. Cover with a lid and let it steam cook all the way through until brown and crispy on outside.Serve with veggies! Bon appetite !
3. Bbq pork loin
this will run you about 7$ for a package of pre marinated pork loin at Trader Joes, but is delish and will get you a few days worth of left overs! Seriously just follow the cooking directions ( so day my cat could do it) and top with bbq sauce ( free of high fructose corn syrup of course!) oh yeah and this is really good with apple sauce on the side
4. Split Pea soup
Go to the grocery store. Find dried peas. Buy dried green split peas. Follow cooking directions. Add chicken bouillon to boiling water. Add carrots, onion and ham while cooking. You have just prepared a meal worth half your daily serving of fiber, all of you servings of veggies and half of your daily serving of protein. You're welcome. Oh and it barely cost you 4$.
5. Chicken Stew
Boil some water, add some chicken bouillon, onions, celery, soy sauce and garlic salt to taste. Add raw chicken as it begins a rolling boil and then cover. Add chopped carrots and potatoes and whatever else tickles the fancy. Let it cook about 20 min still boiling. Then pour a little broth into a bowl and mix with equal parts corn starch. Add the mixture back to the pot and watch the broth thicken to stew. Can I get a yum?
This is basically what I lived off of this year and it was pretty delicious and nutritious if I do say so myself. I will probs add more later too!

I wrote an essay!

Remember how I had that one angry rant about ideal beauty standards and Pinterest? Well I basically wrote the scholarly version for my rhetoric class and I don't mean to toot my own horn but I thought it was pretty good. Go ahead and have a gander if you would like :

Rhetoric as Instrumental and Constitutive

It is no secret that the media uses rhetoric as an instrument in persuasive marketing. Yet upon closer examination the persuasive tactics that influence the viewer to buy the product also construct physical and mental realities apart from the consumption of the product itself.  The Victoria’s Secret “Incredible Bra” commercial illustrates rhetoric as being constitutive as well as instrumental in that it is not only used to create the incentive to buy the product through ethos and pathos, but also produces the reality of women’s desire to look a certain way through the augmentation of emotions as a result of pathos.

The Victoria’s Secret “Incredible Bra” commercial currently airs across mainstream television advertising their newest “Incredible” bra. The commercial features a montage of impossibly thin, leggy, and well-endowed young females all dressed in subtly sexy lingerie gazing wistfully at the camera, posing, running their hands through their flawless beachy waves, and feeling their sculpted abdomens. The commercial uses very few words, simply “The bra you love, now even more incredible” printed across the screen, and no dialogue whatsoever behind an upbeat, sultry pop song. The thirty-second commercial ends simply with the recognizable Victoria’s Secret insignia printed across the bottom of the screen. 

The commercial relies heavily upon brand loyalty and familiarity to assume that viewers will recognize the salient as well as reputable Victoria’s Secret brand and thus continue to consume their new products. The commercial assumes that the female viewers already own and love Victoria’s Secret’s other products, and because they do they will purchase this new product. However, the commercial is not solely targeted at females, it also catches the attention of male viewers who are drawn to the beautiful models and may want to purchase the product for their significant other. The advertisement does not need to saturate itself with logos and insignias due to prior successful branding which has already infused the Victoria’s Secret name with meaning; meaning that is associated with sexiness, dependability, and quality. This is otherwise known as ethos, or established credibility. Ethos is formally described as “the character of the rhetor performed in the rhetorical act and known by the audience because of prior interaction”( Palczewski, Ice and Fritch 7). Victoria’s Secret implements this definition perfectly into their advertising by reminding the audience of positive past experiences with their products and the bra they “already love”. Consequently this affirms the viewer’s trust in the company so they can be persuaded to buy the new product.  Ultimately The Victoria’s Secret name is a reputable brand with a developed customer base in which their advertisements need only play off their already established success.

This specific commercial, however, is successful in its own right, not simply due to brand repute, but also due to definitive use of pathos. Pathos is defined by Aristotle as, “ that which leads the audience to feel emotion”(Palzewski, Ice, and Fritch 12).  The Victoria’s Secret commercial is successfully able to employ a pathos argument by setting the tone as sexy and sultry so that the viewer is able to associate the product with sex appeal and thus desire the product so that they too can be sexy. Or in the case of the male consumer, he wants his significant other to be sexy like the models. Essentially, Victoria’s Secret is not just selling a bra; they are marketing a lifestyle. The commercial is telling the audience through imagery that whoever purchases their product can ooze sex appeal just like the models. The consumption of the product is no longer about buying a good quality bra, it is about the emotions associated with buying the bra. Purchasing the product directly correlates with a sense of beauty and self worth. The purchase of the bra therefore becomes inextricably linked with the hopes, dreams, ambitions and ideals of the female consumer. Or in the case of the male consumer the purchase is linked with the fulfillment of his fantasies about women. For the female the purchase may represent her desire to be beautiful or to turn men on, or it may be linked to her weight loss goals to look like the models, or it may represent an alter ego of her’s. Either way the commercial is no longer just selling a product, but an answer to some woman’s intimate desires about who she wants to be. Essentially, pathos becomes the central persuasive tactic in this commercial as images of gorgeous women become linked to core desires and emotions of the consumer and are thus manifested in purchasing the product in order to fulfill those desires.

However, apart from the rhetoric being persuasive, it is also constitutive of unattainable beauty standards for women through the augmentation of women’s desires for personal attractiveness and thus perpetuating feelings of dissatisfaction with their own looks. James Boyd White defines constitutive rhetoric as the, “art of constituting character, community, and culture in language”(Palczewski, Ice, and Fritch 7). White’s definition aligns seamlessly with this rhetorical situation in that out of this media comes a culture of feminine dissatisfaction where after viewing the commercial a woman might feel that her body is inadequate. Contributor for Psychology Today, Romeo Vitelli PhD, argues that, “The effect of media content on ideas of physical beauty appears remarkably robust with women reporting greater feelings of inadequacy regardless of their real body weight”(Vitelli). Thus, rhetoric has the power to construct normative statements in which viewers develop ideas about how the world ought to be and sets standards in accordance, regardless of whether these standards are healthy or even realistic. Women look at the images on screen of rail-thin models portraying what women “should look like” and wonder why they do not have mile long legs, toned tummies, and voluptuous locks. Suddenly it is no longer about persuading the viewer to purchase the product, but how the rhetoric involved has constituted feelings of either self-doubt or discontent. In the case of the man he may feel dissatisfied that his woman does not in fact look like a Victoria’s Secret model, and that rather than realize that not everyone looks as they so, he begins to believe all women should look like that. In both instances a new standard has been set for women and thus reality has been generated. Ultimately, rhetoric has the authority to not only influence and persuade, but it also has the ability to shape people’s ideas about themselves and the world.

But what are the cultural implications of an exceptionally high standard of beauty for women? The creation of unattainable ideals of physical appearance has manifested themselves into subsequent dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, eating disorders and the objectification of women. According to Vitelli, “With thinness presented as the ideal body shape and a necessary prerequisite for health and happiness, anyone falling short of this ideal is vulnerable to depression, poor self-esteem, and general body dissatisfaction (Vitelli).  The prevalence of thinness has predicated the idea that it is superior, which of course is unrepresentative of all female body types, yet impresses the idea that if someone does not look a certain way they are not beautiful. Phycology Today goes on to affirm this saying, “Research has demonstrated the depression and despair that women often feel over falling short of the media models presented to them… the outcome is low self-esteem, biased perceptions about how much food they should eat, and a tendency towards poor eating habits that can aggravate health problems”(Vitelli). Subsequently, the rhetoric being used to market Victoria’s Secret products creates a real cultural impact in how women see themselves and the choices they make about their bodies, choices that are often harmful. That is not to say Victoria’s Secret is the principle offender, but their ubiquitous use of rail-thin models in advertising reinforces and creates these ideas, which thus become symbolic action. Cultural implications, however, stretch beyond the female psyche and effect how men view and objectify women as well. In the instance of this particular Victoria’s Secret commercial, the bra becomes more than just a functional article of clothing, but a piece of sexual iconography that objectifies women. According to Stephanie Berberek of the University of Buffalo, “men compare the women in their lives to what they see on television screens, in magazines, and on billboards. Both the self and society has suffered because of the objectification, sexism, exploitation and assessment”(Berberek). Berberek goes on to quote fellow researcher Swami explaining, “the existence of patriarchal structures and attitudes should result in significant relationships between sexist attitudes and the endorsement of beauty ideals and practices”(Berberk). It is evident that as men are exposed to these idealistic images of women both their expectations for physical appearance as well as ideas of women as merely sexual objects increase. The results are dastardly for women as both they themselves as well as the opposite gender put more and more emphasis on outward sex appeal. On the part of Victoria’s Secret, it is clearly no accident of marketing that viewers want females to look like the models being shown, but the negative societal consequences continue to impact viewers long after the television has been turned off.

In conclusion, the rhetorical techniques of pathos and ethos employed by Victoria’s Secret are not only successful in persuading the viewer to consume their product, but subsequently in setting unrealistic beauty standards for women that result in negative self-images, disordered eating, personal dissatisfaction, and objectification of women.

Works Cited

Berberick, Stephanie N. "The Objectification of Women in Mass Media." The Online Journal of the New York State Sociological Association 5 (2011): n. pag. May 2011. Web. 21 May 2014. <http://newyorksociologist.org/11/Berberick2011.pdf>.

Palczewski, Catherine Helen., Richard Ice, and John Fritch. Rhetoric in Civic Life. State College, PA: Strata Pub., 2012. Print.

Vitelli, Romeo. "Media Exposure and the "Perfect Body"" Psychology Today. Psychology Today, 18 Nov. 2013. Web. 22 May 2014. <http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fmedia-spotlight%2F201311%2Fmedia-exposure-and-the-perfect-body>.

Why I dance...

Ok so this blog is sort of morphing into a personal page where I write down all my little soap box rants…it is not very organized, but perhaps there can be a motif, like food, cooking, health, and personal confidence because those are all inter-related. OK I've convinced myself, that sounds good.
This week I have been confronted with the question, why do I dance? I'm really not that good, I am not going to be pro, I don't wanna go pro, I don't want any career in the dance world, and have I mentioned I am really nothing special? Dance does not always make me feel like a million bucks either. Sometimes it makes me feel like crap. Sometimes I hate that I have been dancing for so long and I am not as good as I should be, I hate my turn out, I hate my hips, I hate my spine, I hate that my legs aren't miles long, I hate that I can't pick up combos quickly, I hate that I am directionally challenged, I hate how self conscious I feel going across the floor, I hate that I never get auditions, I hate that I get more corrections than compliments, I hate that the only times I feel like I am good enough is when no one is watching, I hate that I will totally know how to do something but get out in class and not be able to do it, I hate that I get the same corrections no matter how hard I work on them, I hate that I don't have a tilt even though I stretch every day, and the list goes on. But all of it somehow becomes worth it for those few magic moments when it comes together and you feel powerful, strong, beautiful, graceful, and in control all at once. Those precious moments when I feel so passionate about what I am doing I can't describe it. Those perfect moments when I dance for myself and no one else and every painful class, every tear of frustration, every bruised knee, every torn back muscle becomes negligent and you are left on the studio floor sweating, fatigued, breathing hard, your face red, your muscles sore, but your heart exhilarated and you have never felt more alive in your life, and it is in that moment when you understand what it means to live fully and passionately, and you question why you have ever settled for living any other way. it is in that moment when I know why I dance and come back time and time again to every class, rehearsal, and improv sesh in my basement to once again pursue that feeling of worth, value and determination surging through every muscle.  I dance because when I do I become the best version of myself.

Pinterest is sending bad messages to women!

So i have this habit of giving a "ted talk" sort of soap box rant once a day. Sometimes I get an audience, and sometimes not. Well in the case of the latter I have decided to turn to the good old internet as my audience because sometimes, even when no one is listening I have a few damn good ideas…
My beef of the day is with Pinterest. Now lets get one thing straight, I am sort of addicted to Pinterest. Like I like to check it multiple times a day to peruse fashion, cooking, travel, and various other pins that may tickle the fancy, but as I am scrolling through the endless pictures of beautiful women in perfect clothes, luxurious mansions, and dreamy wedding venues I am constantly plagued by a little thing called " self perception theory." I am a communication major and while everyone else prefers to think it is useless I on the other hand am using it right now so Ha! Anyways this theory says that we as humans have this idea of who we are and what we believe, or how we perceive ourself to be and when we do or say something that does not align with these preconceived ideals/visions of ourselves we becomes uncomfortable and seek to change our behavior. Such as if I see myself as a good student, but I get a bad grade on a test I am going to be uncomfortable with that, probably feel bad about myself and then seek to change it. The same is true for my Pinterest addiction.
As I have slowly begun to see, Pinterest is not a healthy website. It encourages greed, materialism, dissatisfaction with our appearances, envy and worst of all in my opinion perfectionism. Women are easily the highest users of Pinterest, but while the seemingly clever and even inspirational website appears to encourage women to cook better meals, dress more fashionably, lose more weight, redecorate their homes, "live to the fullest" a la Ralph Waldo Emerson, and eat healthier, could there be negative repercussions?
I am not talking about everyone here, because I know that lots of people quite honestly just want a dinner recipe or a fashion or interior design idea, but from looking at society and women as a whole, the website seems to promote dissastifaction.
When I go on I am immediately bombarded with pictures of how I "should" look, how I "should" dress, how I "Should" eat and instead of being motivated to change, which is the first problem, I feel inadequate. The website seems to imply under a slideshow of pretty pictures that women still aren't good enough. That we need to be prettier and thinner and cook better meals. You have no idea how many dinner pins I see with a caption something along the lines of  "Made this for my husband last night and he asked me make it 4 times before we had finished!" As if to imply that women really have not progressed away from being housewives at all and that our main emphasis is still to please men. The whole site seems like a backslide from feminism. While I see nothing wrong inherently  with cooking or fashion or even serving your husband a nice meal, the issue arrises from this overwhelming status-quo that appears to be dominating the site. A status quo that in order to be a good woman you need to dress, look, cook, work out and live a certain way. Like we are not good enough so we need to use this juice cleanse to get skinny, or this workout to get that illusive "thigh gap," or organize our closet like this, or put egg whites in our hair like that all because our lives aren't good enough the way they are. The truth is that none of us are going to look half as good in an outfit as Cara Delevinge or cook like Martha Stewart or have a home straight out of Better Homes and Gardens and it is ridiculous not to mention unhealthy to brood over such unattainable ideals.
Women are already dissatisfied with themselves in this culture, why emphasize and encourage it? More women are plagued by perfectionism than men, so why make it harder than it already is by showing them what they are not, yet should be. It seems like every "successful woman" has a fit board and a clothes board and that if you too want to be successful you need to get your ass to the gym so you can look like the starving models on Pinterest, and then when you get home you need to bake that 7 layer Oreo fudge cake, but not dare indulge in a bite because you saw that one infamous Kate Moss quote about "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." The whole site is a delusional oxymoron. It brings truth to the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too."
But the issue goes deeper than just creating a female culture of materialism, perfection and envy, but drives a nature of self-loathing. I no longer follow any" fitspiration" or "thinspo" boards because no I do not prefer to start my day looking at anorexic models from the next down behind some motivational workout quote that is suppose to encourage me to go to the gym or not eat that cookie when in reality it makes me hate myself for not looking like those girl. If you ever have the displeasure of searching "thinspiration" in the search box be prepared to be horrified by the images and words you will see, also be prepared to lose all faith in humanity, society's beauty ideals, and any fictional progress we might have made for self-love and compassion. Here is a preview:

Are you vomiting yet? Because I am, maybe that is how you get skinny? This is our culture and this is what gets posted every single day and there is nothing true about any of it. Nobody fucking looks like that and you should not try to either. I was anorexic and still have food issues to this day and looking at images like this trigger bad thoughts and old habits, but it also makes me angry and want to fight this culture. Want to know the truth about the "thigh gap" and looking like these supposedly "perfect" girls. I was once 90 pounds, age 19, 5'3" and I still did not have the thigh gap. True story it is a physical myth. All bodies are different and it completely depends on how far apart your hips are spaced and absolutely nothing to do with working out or calories. You are welcome. 

But it is not just these sorts of pictures that inspire eating disorders and body dissatisfaction, but also seemingly harmless images like these:

You get the idea. Look at all these leggy, bony fashionistas with their thigh gaps, and while they may be covered in clothing it still does not negate the prevalence and implicit importance of their thinness. We look at these images and think " I want to be able to look like she does in that outfit." This dissatisfaction that appears to be unrelated to the "thinspo" and workout memes up above, after all they are pinned to different boards, yet produce the same self-loathing, dissatisfied, perfectionist culture of women. 

Even if the body does not get me dissatisfied then the clothes will and I sit here wondering why I am not a millionaire with a closet full of fabulous clothes in my perfect mansion full of pottery barn furniture? It makes me want to go out and buy shit that frankly I don't need!

So all that ranting said here is the truth about Pinterest:

1. You ain't gonna do that juice cleanse nor are you ever going to make kale chips and if you do you will probably just wash it down with that reeses, chocolate, oreo, ice cream, fudge monstrosity you pinned up above. Fatty. Jk you are beautiful, go eat the cake, all the skinny bitches on Pinterest will be so jealous because cake does taste better than skinny feels.

2. Let us be honest NOBODY HAS TIME FOR ALL THE CRAFTS. Yes let me just pencil in making a new headboard out of cardboard today between studying for finals, crying over my gpa, going to work, class, and all the better shit I have to do.

3. 1% of the world looks good in tribal leggings and crop tops, do not sweat it, also .000001% of the world can afford a Oscar de la Renta gown, do not be fooled. 

4. You do not need to drop the equivalent of the national deficit in lululemon to workout, I know you do not believe me, but you will get the same workout in a pair of stained sweat and your mom's t-shirt. True story. 

5. the thigh-gap is a myth. Like Hercules and Odysseus, it is mythology. 

6. even if you really do have a fabulous wardrobe and a hot bod no one is going to take candid photos of you staring wistfully into the distance with a Henry David Thoreau quote over your head. 

7. You are not being creative or unique if every single other girl you know gets married in a barn, wears TOMS to her wedding and holds picture frames with words in their save the date.

8. Anyone with a "Just Girly Things Board"needs to rethink their priorities. I actually have nothing snarky to say, they speak for themselves, just read:

you get the idea. Excuse me while I get a gender change. 

9. I have read so many sappy, sentimental quote about change, being myself, I am better off without some un-named man, YOLO and fucking the haters that I might as well have read a cereal box. It means nothing. 

10. Ryan Gosling and Harry Styles will never love you

and just as a last thought if you ever come across a One Direction "imagine" under no circumstance read it. It is the 13 year old girl's equivalent of porn. 

Alright my need to rant has been satiated. Until tomorrow's anger and dissatisfaction with the world,

-Heather